did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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