how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
