i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
