that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
