I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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