Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
