He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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