I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize