hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
