i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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