just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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