i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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