drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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