haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
