we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
