you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
