hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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