So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
