On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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