But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
