Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
