theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
