Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
