I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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