Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize