pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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