Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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