Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
