Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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