Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
