walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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