I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
