allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
