...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
