I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
