I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
