i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
