Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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