I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
