Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
