There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
