Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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