DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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