I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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