she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
