Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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