he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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