He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
