I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
