i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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