She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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