I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
barbara walters just said penis...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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