I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
