i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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