I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
