Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
