where does the pee come out of this thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
