i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
