Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
