dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
