After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
