I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
