everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
