Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
