i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
