I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
