no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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