I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
