apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His nipple licking is glorious
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