She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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