she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
