My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
