she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
