You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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