It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
