If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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