Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
