dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
