I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
