A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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