new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
