dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
