I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
