so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize