Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize