I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
