Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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