a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
