At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
