So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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