How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
