i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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