there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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