plz talk dirty to me
420 ftw
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
