i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
