I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
