Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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