Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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