You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
