When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
