I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
