Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
