dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
