we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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