dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
